Strength

Day 8 after my first chemo treatment. Still feeling like a wet noodle and can't be upright for more than a few minutes at a time but at least feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I thought I had an idea of what chemo would be like but I was wrong.

I really thought I was a strong person and I thought that I could power through anything that I put my mind to, but now I know that strength really has nothing to do with it. It is an oversimplification to say that you can just decide you are going to beat cancer. It is hard-really hard. Harder than anything I have ever done and harder than anything that I ever plan to do again. I have to redefine my definition of strength because the one that I had is not enough.

I am grateful for my husband and children who have taken care of me non-stop. I haven't been able to do more than get up and go to the bathroom so they have been everything to me. I can't imagine going through this alone and my thoughts go out to those that have to do so. I am also grateful that every day I get a phone call, email or card from someone or a comment on my breast cancer blog. Even if I am not in a position to respond, please know that your love, thoughts and prayers mean a lot to me and help me get through the bad days.